I’ve been really sick this month but i did meet an anarchist on Tooting Bec Common, which was nice….

That did happen, but more seriously i am really ill at the present and, as they say back in my home town, real bad, fuck i’m really sick. If anybody out ther in cyberland picks this up HEY drop me a post it would be appreciated.. filed under Depression …

Bloody hell i’ve missed the queens birthday again, no mean feat considering the greedy bastard has two a year and this one was a full blown shindig on Horse Guards Parade with the Trooping of the Colour, no doubt pasted on myspace and facebook, there must be a landfill site somewhere near Kensington and Chelsea just brimming with unwanted foot spa’s (must check on ebay) . Why would you give her a foot spa anyway when presumably she can get her Footman to lick her feet, i mean thats why they’re called footmen right? When we were kids my brother, sister and i debated as to whether the queen wee’d in the bath or not, we soon got on to pooing and decided that being royalty she could probably have a poo when she was in the bath and there would be a royal attendant on hand with a sieve to scoop out the royal fecund material, no doubt placing it on a velvet cushion in order to convey it to the royal khazi, which we imagined had a heated seat. We didn’t have central heating in them days and a heated toilet seat seemed positively ‘Tomorrows World’. Thinking back about it now, before we worked up to imagining a toilet seat containing a heating element we envisaged that she had a royal toilet seat attendant who’s job it was to be seated and warm the seat prior to the royal straining, or ‘The Pooping of the Colour’ as we called it. Which brings me neatly full circle.

Ok Ok I’ve been ill for the last month (more of that later possibly) and havn’t even visited my own pages till this evening. However it’s just struck me as i perused my own somnamblent ramblings that the majority of the ‘Possibly Related Posts (Automatically Generated)’ lead me to some Fucked up Christian Blogs, not that i have much against christians per-se apart from thinking they are freaky fucked up half wits who on the whole are mostly harmless unless they get thier hands on guns or vote, you know as long as they just keep hanging around smugly awaiting the great day when the final battle will be played out on the fields of armageddon and they of course will win (so why the battle? never can work that one out!!) they just don’t really bother me. But i’m a little perplexed as to why the ‘Automatic Generator’ keeps linking me up to thier happy worlds Praise Be! Could it be that the Auto System has identified me as a Christian!! Am i possibly a christian and just don’t realise it or is the spooky hand of the Lord weaving a mysterious path so as wonders to perform? Am i writing this? are you reading this? Who is reading this?

Whats that Lord… You have a mission for me…Yes Lord I’m listening… You want me to what!… Are you sure Lord? …Well if you say so Lord but don’t people need thier skins to stay alive?… Oh i get it, right…

Small recompense i suppose to think that if the Auto Generator is linking them up to me it may be linking me up to them in which case i would like to invite all christian and evangelical guys and gals out there, and hey Moslems and Jews come on you can join in too it’s the same God after all, I would like to invite you all to join me in a prayer.

Dear Lord in Heaven, Get out of my fucking way…

I heard a song late late late one night on an obscure LW radio station, I belive it was called ‘Ay Cock A-Lorum.’ It was a tale about a young maid who goes to work for an old man who insists, in his contract of employment, that she refers to the things in his house by his own peculiar vocabulary. It was a kind of Ivor Cutler meets Stanley Unwin and set the foundations of Polari whilst Working the Steamer Route with Anthony Burgess.

Any way by a circuatous route of verses the maid wakes him one night to inform him that the cat has set the house on fire.

Last night i was haunted by snippets of this song and this morning a google has left me unavailed. Sooo I was wondering if amoungst my heafty average of four or five readers a day any one out there had more Gen on this Ditty. It would make a Gimmer Hoof with Joy!

Happy May Day everone…. All Power to the Workers, All Power to the Unemployed, All Power to the Pensioners, All Power to the Disenfranchised, All Power to my Local Shop, All Power to my Neighbours, All Power to my Freinds, Family and Lovers, All Power to the US!

And Bugger Off any one else!

It appears that, from a recent response, that Clive Griffiths refutes that he is the primiparious result of a neferous KGB plot.

The scene outside Hirwaun Community Council earlier this week

As Clive quite rightly points out he is 48 years old, where as whiskered tyrant passed on a good 55 years ago. Well let us examine the facts.

We know that during his lifetime the Georgian Borgia developed a keen interest in incarcerating scientists and engineers in some of the colder extremeties of the Great Union, for what purpose did he banish his best boffins and engineers to the artic tundra we may ask? And for what reason was Hitler, in the face of such seeming adversity, bent on driving maniacly eastward into the jaws of the Russian winter?

The answer, so it seems, lies in a combination of factors. Firstly let us regard the Tunguska Event of 1908 an occurance that still generates debate amoungst many esteemed research groups in adherance to the strictest codes of practice. We know from this research that what occured at Tunguska was not simply a collision with the Earth by a comet or asteroid but was undoubtedly the crash landing of an alien craft in the Siberian wilderness. As we know these Aliens are involved in all manner of advanced DNA experimentation in an attempt to save their doomed race and were probably, at the time of the crash, conducting a harvest of raindeer sperm in an attempt to foster a raindeer/grey hybrid.

A number of small expeditions were dispatched to the site imediately after the ‘crash’ but it is thought that nothing of note was retreived until Leonid Kulik conducted indepth surveys and excavations in 1927, returning to his master in the Kremlin with what is belived to be an Alien Cryogenic Spermatazoa Storage Device.

It is with this in hand that after 1930, Stalin began to develop a huge network of research facilities in the chilly N.Eastern realms of the USSR under the code name ‘Purge’, with the sole mission of creating a clone army from his own nocturnal emissions.

Even the strictest OGPU directives could not prevent the hushed excitment that was bubbling through the corridors of the Kremlin from seeping out, as it were. And so it was inevitable that word, through clandestine channels, would filter back to the infamous odd ball, Mr A. Hitler (formerly of Reigate, Surrey) who, spurred by his own testicular discrepency, had commisioned research into the same field, code named ‘Operation Albert Hall.’

Initially the Reich attempted to garner relations with the Soviets through the infamous Nazi/Soviet Pact but their confidencies were betrayed. It appears that under the guise of a treaty of non-aggression the Soviets were to exchange blueprints for their advanced Husbandry Equipment for free reign across large swathes of Eastern Europe. As it turns out Joachim von Ribbentrop had signed an agreement with Vayechevslav Molotov in exchange for nothing more than the blueprints for a prototype electric toaster. As can be imagined Herr Hitler was somewhat displeased and as a consequence, launched Operation Barbarossa.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Or it was up until now and the events unfolding in the South Wales Valleys.

Apparently i’ve missed the Queens Birthday! all one can imagine is that one was doing somthing more profound at the time, i don’t know maybe eating a gherkin.

Apparently she has two birthdays a year, greedy bastard! I wonder what that makes her in Dog years?

Still not to let the opportunity to show my respect of our great maniacal Monarchial institution i invite you to be upstanding and click on this patriotic link ‘Me Luds, Laydees Hand Gentlemin, Please be Upstanding for Er Right Royal Highniss the Queen.’

For many years there has been some speculation as to whether Stalin produced a progeny or not. Many theories have abounded, seemingly centred on his prodigious face muff. Amoungst them it has been proposed that such a handle-bar propensity denoted a dislike of even the finest caviar. Indeed, this coupled with records recently released from the Soviet Archives which have provided the guest lists for amyl fuelled High-NRG Balalika nights at Stalins personal Dacha would hint at this being the case. However others have argued that his massive soup filter was grown to conceal his permenant joker-esque gurn thus presenting a visage befitting the Man of Steel and detracting attention from the fact that he was actually bonkers.

The debate now seems concluded as it has come to light that the Son of Stalin is alive and well and living in Hirwaun under the guise of Clive Griffiths, an identity prescribed by leading KGB officials inorder to protect the seed of the Great One from the attention of Trotskyist elements bent of revenge.

It seems that for many years Clive had assumed the role of a Local Labour Party officiate in an attempt to further and promote his Deep Cover, although it is understood that Militant Trotskyist Commandos had caught a whiff of this deciet and, for a period during the early eighties, through joining the Labour Party, came near to unearthing their quarry. It can only be assumed that Polit Bureau plants on the Labour Party Executive Commitee took extreme measures to ensure the safety and continued covert identity of their charge whilst bringing to fruition Stalin’s final 55 year plan.

Now Clive Griffiths, holding aloft his CPGB Party Card, has shrugged off the thin veneer of Labour Party membership and in an unprecidented coup d’etat, taken control of Hirwaun and Penderyn Community Council in readiness for the great putsch that will install him as leader of the magnanimous Marxist Dictatorship of Rhondda and Cynon Taff.

Nearby residents of Croesbychan have already expressed concerns that the collectivisation of chip shops could result in mass starvation in the Aberdare and Cwmbach areas whilst it has been rumoured that the Welsh Assembly have called for troops to be marshalled in Cardiff Central Station in readiness for immediate dispatch to the Castle Hotel in Merthyr Tydfil.

We can only wait to see what will develop in the coming hours whilst the respective populations of Rhigos and Maerdy road holds it’s breath

The scene inside Hirwaun and Penderyn Community Council yesterday.

Ughh been ill, felt like death, all better now. Hey new page next post!

In an unprecidented show of defiance the SWP STWC organised a ‘wall of sound’ to drown out Tony Blairs’ address at Westminster Abbey on 03.03.08. Thoughtful stewards from the STWC SWP ensured the safety of demonstrators by preventing any action actually taking place and directing them to a disused carpark in Stoke on Trent. However two well know ‘anarchist agitators’ managed to break through the cordon of stewards to mount thier own violent and excessive demonstration.

A swpard said last night, ‘This is precisely the kind of dangerous behaviour that may cause people to belive we are actually doing anything, we have passed on thier details to the police who we belive are already following up leads’

A spokesperson from the StWP appologised to Tony Blair for any inconvienience caused saying, ‘Sir, i salute your integrity and your indefatigability, do you by any chance have a spare tin of Whiskers?.’