Rain Stopped Play

With the best intentions i headed out to Streatham Common last night, equiped to SETI the night away, with my bicycle powered relay incorporating red and white halogen ‘blinkies’ pointing skyward and set to oscillate wildly, accompanied by a cunning array of chromatically tuned self inflating whoopie cushions attached to a plank and fixed perpendicular to the bicycle frame upon the saddle. Strapping my Modular Mood Amplifier (or MMA for short, a simple device constructed from the lenses of an old pair of NHS glasses and a toilet roll tube) to my forehead i headed out into the blustery night, prepared, or so i thought, to commune with the Greys.

At first things seemed to be going to plan as i skirted the Common bouncing the Close Encounters of the Third Kind tune upon my Whoopie Cushion Array whilst i gazed heavenward so as to focus my MMA in the general vacinity of Sirius. I had however not banked on the ferocity of the rain and within half an hour the cardboard toilet tube that formed the housing of my MMA had become waterlogged causing it to loose it’s integrety and droop. This i feared would distort the mood messages i was projecting and be potentially dangerous, For example, whilst i was projecting ‘Hello i’m really happy why don’t you come down for a chat,’ there was a distinct possibility that the drooping housing was now distorting the projection to say ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough.’ Needless to say i would have been extremely foolish to continue my perambulatory endevours in the face of such a risk and so i retired to the veritable comfort of my lodgings.

On reflection there are perhaps a number of considerations (the inclemancy of the weather figuring highly) i had neglected in my haste, and a little research has enlightend me to an article printed in UFO Magazine as follows;

                                                                                           

How To Attract a UFO

by Andrea Pickles

Interest in the UFO phenomena grows daily and more and more sightings are reported all over the world, but for those people who have not had the luck in such a sighting and wish they had here is a guide on how to attract a UFO (no guarantees that it will work).

1. Go into the middle of a field with a very strong flash light and draw triangles in the sky if you have any success keep flashing it may flash back.

2. Be patient, just staying for an hour or two is no guarantee that a UFO will appear in that time it may take up to a week or so.

3. Don’t go by yourself make sure there are a few of you (to lessen the chances of being abducted).

4. If you plan on going on a skywatch don’t forget to take a camera, films a video camera if you have one to be able to take pictures or video footage if you are lucky.

5. If you do go by yourself tell people where you are going etc.

6. Make sure you dress up warmly if you don’t know how long you are going to be there and make sure you take a hot flask of tea or coffee.

If anyone does have a go and is successful I would be really interested about it so email me at andrea@ufomagazine.co.uk.

                                                                                        

Of particular interest to me is article 6. Make sure you take a hot flask of tea or coffee. I should have realised this from the outset, i mean how do you think i would look if i had contacted a brother from another planet and was unable to offer him a cup of tea!

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