Archive for June, 2008

Missed the Queens Birthday Again.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on June 16, 2008 by anacarlo

Bloody hell i’ve missed the queens birthday again, no mean feat considering the greedy bastard has two a year and this one was a full blown shindig on Horse Guards Parade with the Trooping of the Colour, no doubt pasted on myspace and facebook, there must be a landfill site somewhere near Kensington and Chelsea just brimming with unwanted foot spa’s (must check on ebay) . Why would you give her a foot spa anyway when presumably she can get her Footman to lick her feet, i mean thats why they’re called footmen right? When we were kids my brother, sister and i debated as to whether the queen wee’d in the bath or not, we soon got on to pooing and decided that being royalty she could probably have a poo when she was in the bath and there would be a royal attendant on hand with a sieve to scoop out the royal fecund material, no doubt placing it on a velvet cushion in order to convey it to the royal khazi, which we imagined had a heated seat. We didn’t have central heating in them days and a heated toilet seat seemed positively ‘Tomorrows World’. Thinking back about it now, before we worked up to imagining a toilet seat containing a heating element we envisaged that she had a royal toilet seat attendant who’s job it was to be seated and warm the seat prior to the royal straining, or ‘The Pooping of the Colour’ as we called it. Which brings me neatly full circle.

Advertisements

Possibly Related Posts Automatically Generated

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on June 12, 2008 by anacarlo

Ok Ok I’ve been ill for the last month (more of that later possibly) and havn’t even visited my own pages till this evening. However it’s just struck me as i perused my own somnamblent ramblings that the majority of the ‘Possibly Related Posts (Automatically Generated)’ lead me to some Fucked up Christian Blogs, not that i have much against christians per-se apart from thinking they are freaky fucked up half wits who on the whole are mostly harmless unless they get thier hands on guns or vote, you know as long as they just keep hanging around smugly awaiting the great day when the final battle will be played out on the fields of armageddon and they of course will win (so why the battle? never can work that one out!!) they just don’t really bother me. But i’m a little perplexed as to why the ‘Automatic Generator’ keeps linking me up to thier happy worlds Praise Be! Could it be that the Auto System has identified me as a Christian!! Am i possibly a christian and just don’t realise it or is the spooky hand of the Lord weaving a mysterious path so as wonders to perform? Am i writing this? are you reading this? Who is reading this?

Whats that Lord… You have a mission for me…Yes Lord I’m listening… You want me to what!… Are you sure Lord? …Well if you say so Lord but don’t people need thier skins to stay alive?… Oh i get it, right…

Small recompense i suppose to think that if the Auto Generator is linking them up to me it may be linking me up to them in which case i would like to invite all christian and evangelical guys and gals out there, and hey Moslems and Jews come on you can join in too it’s the same God after all, I would like to invite you all to join me in a prayer.

Dear Lord in Heaven, Get out of my fucking way…